I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
