We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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