You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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