Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
