Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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