I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
