he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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