I'm jealous of your bromance
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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