The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
