batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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