Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
