I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
this beer tastes like vomit already
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
