Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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