My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You ruined the universe
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