Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
