I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
