I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The uberlube is also flammable
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
