Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
