She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
