I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
