Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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