just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
