The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always time for handjobs
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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