I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
