so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
