you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
