in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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