would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
