I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
