"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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