well I can't set my house on fire every night
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
