so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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