At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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