is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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