i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
