i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
