Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
