So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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