the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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