I bet he comes in French.
I think my vagina is haunted
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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