I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
