so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
