I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
