Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Who did Billy Mays play for?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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