Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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