shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
