Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
