We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I could fuck to npr.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
