its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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