If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
