How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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