After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She bit a glass in half.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
