I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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