Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
