I heard we made out
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
