Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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