Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
one two three fourrrrnication!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
