You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
