drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
please come you make the beer taste better
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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