he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
