Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm bleeding and have questions
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
