He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
