Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
