every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
