wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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