I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sorry about my life...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
