um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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