ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I have post one night stand depression
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