if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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