Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
