so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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