just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
