I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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