..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
