you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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