wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize