bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
