at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
