Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she told me i tasted like america
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
