Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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