I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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