I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
