is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
